Day 20 – Meltdown

The most frustrating thing about having a broken hand is doing dishes. This diet is driving me nuts. All I do is dishes, and cooking, and doing even more dishes. OMG!!!

I get overwhelmed like the next person, but last night I just completely lost it. I’m exhausted from working around my hand at work, I haven’t been singing much and I have a few gigs this weekend and then really tired after work when I try to practice, and the time change – which means suddenly I’m hungry at weird times – just all seemed to get to me. I ended up a sobbing mess in the kitchen, throwing random things away, as my boyfriend looked on helplessly… It was a rough evening.

So what do I know?

I spoke with Iowa once I had calmed down and he had a couple helpful observations. First, I am not making enough food at one time. I have been focusing on making two portions for dinner (one to be the following day’s breakfast) which means I am cooking a full meal every day. In addition, since I am making/eating three dinners per day (essentially), I’m just not making enough food. I am continually scrambling and running to the store to throw a dinner together at 7 o’clock at night which is late for me.

I spent last night making stew from my new batch of bone broth (pretty disgusting looking stuff), and really, although I had planned that for four meals, it made more like 2.5. I have lost a lot of weight over the past three weeks – I estimate at least 10 pounds, more likely 15 – and I need that the stop. I suspect I’m getting overwhelmed merely because I’m hungry, and perhaps mildly anemic, which I get at times. My appetite itself is pretty nonexistent when I don’t eat carbs but when I think about it, I realize I am in fact hungry, often. That’s not great for my stomach and not great for my energy.

Iowa suggested that I come up with a meal plan for the week and to make extra food and throw it out, as opposed to running short by week’s end. It’s hard mentally because the food is so expensive – it’s anathema to me to waste anything at these prices. But ultimately, I think he is right. Especially with the hand situation; I’m truly exhausted when I get home from work. I don’t need another evening of sobbing to convince me I need to figure out a better plan than what I’ve been doing.

This weekend, I am free Saturday evening and all day Sunday. I’m going to use that time to make food for the entire week so I can eat ‘out of the fridge’ a bit more which is what I have been accustomed to during the workweek. I can get out to Meat Hook on Saturday and cooking will be my Sunday project. It’s not very glamorous, but hopefully it will take the pressure off.

On a weird note, I just added back banana this morning, which has been a go to snack for me for years. I don’t feel so hot after eating it. I also had leftover roasted chicken legs – so it may just be the fat factor which, as I said before, my body doesn’t like so much. Going to try banana again tomorrow as a snack so I can see if it has any impact when I eat it alone. But really? Banana, you’re gonna let me down?

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