A year of many changes

My bf has been asking over and over when I would update this blog and I finally decided today is the day – a full year (exactly) after I last posted.   Many things have changed, all for the extreme better.  Here we go.

I would say, that for the most part, whatever is ailing me is healing and almost (possibly totally) ‘cured’.  In retrospect, I think the following are the reason I am feeling better.

Rifaximin:

As I had stated before (I think), my GI guy – hearing I still had symptoms on an elimination diet despite clean upper and lower GI scans – put me on this drug (also called Xifaxin) for 14 days.  It is a special type of antibiotic that doesn’t cross the blood barrier – IOW, it only works in your GI tract. It’s made to help cure H. Pylori, which I tested negative for but apparently many people with it do. The drug made me extremely sick until about day 11 when suddenly I felt better than I had in a long time.  I emailed him and he said to keep going so I took it for another few days and then went off. And then after a week I felt terrible and he put me back on it for another 10 days.  After that, I felt marginally better – not great – but marginally better and that stuck.

But I was so marginally better I didn’t even notice and called it a lose.  It’s only after a year that I can pinpoint that 25 day period of meds as the kick off to real improvement, albeit over about 8 months.  Somehow it was the right thing for my stomach.

Magnesium supplements:

I had taken myself off of them due to the mystery rash but it turns out that taking them keeps me regular and being regular REALLY helps my stomach.  I’m not as regular as perhaps I should be but it’s only about 1 day a month I have any sort of GI discomfort and usually an apple will cure me of that within an hour.  Awesome.  I now take a type that is powdered and pure magnesium citrate (no additives).  Better for my skin.

Prescript-Assist Soil Based Probiotics

THESE.  But these were also a slow uptake.  I’d tried them before the Rifaximin and didn’t see much result although they didn’t make me feel worse as opposed to Align which did nothing or made me feel bad.  In any event, I had about a month left in the bottle so when I ran out of Align after the Rifaximin I switched to these and after a month I felt a little better so I ordered more.  And kept taking them because why not.  It was in about June (6 months out from antibiotics and now with these probiotics) that I noticed I was able to eat stuff I hadn’t be able to, in small amounts, for 5 years.  My food list began expanding monthly after that.  These definitely work for me.  And if I can’t eat something, after a few more months on these often I can.  So it’s a work in progress but definitely moving forward.

Bio-Feedback Type Breathing

In desperation, I decided to try this on my GP’s recommendation.  Despite improvement with probiotics, I was having gastritis symptoms every time I ate and no matter what I ate (including drinking water).  Scans showed my entire GI tract as finally healthy so he posited that I was in some kind of physical stress cycle reaction to eating, leftover from when my body was in real distress several years earlier.  I went to see a BF specialist who gave me a bunch of exercises.  While I do meditate and feel like I’ve greatly reduced my stress, she agreed with him that my body was in some kind of response cycle and the breathing she taught me activates your parasympathetic something which is the key to calming the body down (as opposed to your mind).  After 2 weeks the cramping greatly reduced after meals and after a month and a half of breath practice I just totally forgot about the cramping.  When I cramp now I’m always surprised – it’s that rare – like wow.

Overall, plus enzymes.

Sometime over the summer I noticed that I could eat more fruits and vegetables without feeling terrible.  Small amounts of garlic and onion continued to bother me so I added Digest enzymes which I take whenever I eat anything that might be spicy or bother me (although I need them less and less as time passes).  In early September I hazarded eating an apple – knowing it could make me totally sick – and it didn’t bother me at all.  I now eat one almost every day.  I still eat most vegetables cooked but that’s really about taste and avoiding too much salad dressing. That said, when I want salad dressing I have it and take the enzymes.

Now what did not work:

Special diets that knock out full food groups.

I spent 8 months doing FODMAPs – no miracle impact.  That said some FODMAPs were a minor issue (broccoli, breads) that seem to be gone from eating enzymes and probiotics. This says more about the supplementation than the diet IMO.

I did SCD/AIP Paleo for 3 months and still had horrible reflux and gastritis symptoms.  In fact, to this day, eating that much fat in a day gives me heartburn (as distinct from reflux).  People who adhere to this diet are pretty preachy about it – you are warned if you go this route.  But if it doesn’t work for you, my advice (which will oppose theirs) is to stop doing it.  I just don’t see the point of this diet if it doesn’t work for you.  Did it help my inflammation?  Maybe.  Did it help my skin?  Not that I could tell. What helped my skin was what my doctor told me would – going off all my medication.  Every time I seem to have a skin problem, it seems to relate to me taking Zyrtec (which I still, to be fair, take but very rarely and only when I’m staying with people with pets).

The plus of these diets is that my asthma largely disappeared but I can relieve those symptoms by avoiding too much dairy to begin with.  I’m not allergic to anything so reading ingredient labels to get rid of any cow is not necessary for me and overly burdensome.  Why torture myself?

I think these and other diets have value but I don’t think they are the be all, end all and, especially if they are not helping you, to view them that way is actually really unhealthy. I also majorly resented the implication that if you weren’t successful with one, it was b/c you weren’t doing it right – add this supplement, etc.  Give me a break!  As someone with medication allergies that have yet to be sorted out, I’m super careful about my supplements.  I just think these diets and those that push them so vigorously are too Type A and too anxious for me to follow.  Like the diet is literally too anxious – too much conformity for me.  If part of your food problems is being stressed about eating, it is really easy to get sucked into some unhealthy eating patterns with the vigor required to adhere to these diets.   This just doesn’t work for me.

Lastly, per a trainer I worked with I tried a Chinese herbalist.  The herbs just didn’t help my stomach at all or my rashes.  That said, his diet advice (largely paleo, avoid shellfish, but rice is okay) is something I pretty much heed keeping it on the lower fat side (for the most part).

Where I am now

I still have circulation problems occasionally but a couple of days of rolling on the foam roller and doing Qi Gong wipes that out.  Sleep, plenty of water (which I mostly drink warm – per a Chinese doctor) really keeps all that in check.

Asthma – I definitely get asthma when I get a cold.  If I avoid dairy it is much better. I steam and take the lowest dose of Mucinex I can find.  That very much solves the problem and quickly.

Overall – I really try to keep any sort of supplementation to a minimum.  As a professional singer, I spent years on heavy duty Zyrtec D, Mucinex, Singulair (followed by Clear Lungs) doses, 2X neti-potting, and then when the stomach stuff started adding in Align and Dexilant (a very high dose PPI).  I think for me being on nothing is SO MUCH BETTER for my body.  I still do take a few targeted supplements but I really take nothing for my sinuses other than when necessary.  All the everyday stuff is out.  Hot water, steaming and neti-potting (although I’m not regular with any of those these days either) just seems to work better for my body and when I’m sick I take the lowest dose of stuff that helps me and get off it as quickly as possible. I was overmedicating since the mid-90s and it was messing me up.  I’m committed to not doing that anymore.

So what’s a day like for me?  Foodwise, I eat it all – all food groups.  I err toward more protein than carbs b/c my body and mind seem to prefer protein over carbs.  My eating overall is similar to before I got sick but with more cooked foods over raw foods.  You will never see me tuck into a giant raw smoothie but I will drink an apple cider if it’s presented to me (and then not having it again for a week).  Fruits and veg are getting easier and at this point I’m eating about 2-3 most days and occasionally a lot more, usually cooked (other than fruit).  I don’t have too much milk, cream cheese or yogurt b/c my stomach seems to not like them.  That said, I can have string cheese or hard cheese with no problems and ICE CREAM.  I do eat bread and cereal but I stay away from high fiber versions – I get my fiber from fruit and veg instead.  I view bread as a treat and eat really good white french bread.  I have found over the years that I do better with meat in my diet than without so I eat that but I also eat legumes fairly regularly.  I take enzymes about 1X per week; for the most part my IBS is gone and my heartburn is really gone.  Over Xmas I ate a lot of crap and took a Pepcid at one point but that seemed to end things. Done.

So, for me – probiotics, magnesium are a MUST.  I drink hot water all the time instead of cold water.  I aim for 8 hours of sleep but often get 7.  I eat about every 2-3 hours – I don’t allow myself to get too hungry.  I  eat too many cookies but I don’t stress over it.  About 2X a month, I eat burgers and fries and even put a little ketchup on.  I eat salad with dressing.  My favorite foods are all from my more recent eating though – my favorite meal would be roast chicken or some kind of meat, roasted potatoes with sea salt and roasted carrots also with sea salt.  Not because my stomach loves it but because I love it.  I eat what tastes good to me and feels healthy enough.  I eat Mexican and Indian foods occasionally because I love them and with enzymes I can eat them!  I fell in LOVE with rice on one of the diets and still eat that a lot (that and potatoes are my main carb).  I try not to overwhelm my system with too many heavy or spicy things at once but if I do I spot-care with enzymes and/or medication.  I avoid PPis and take Gaviscon instead but again this is all rare.  At least for the past year, the days of medicating myself perpetually with reflux meds are totally over and I credit the antibiotics/probiotics for that.  I really REALLY am pissed my original doctor for just throwing me on medication which is crazy habit forming for your body and ignoring a larger problem.  I suppose he didn’t know.  For now, though, I try to stay OFF meds as much as possible if only for my skin.  I am careful when I go on a supplement.  It’s a work in progress but I really love that I can eat what I want as much as anyone else my age can.  That said, I try not to ever overeat b/c then I feel crappy but who doesn’t?

That’s it for now.  The Gala apples from the market have been amazing this year.  I’m so grateful to be able to eat them and I’m off to eat one now.

Best of luck to you all on your journey.  I’ll report back again but until then, I hope you have found a path and are feeling better too.  Good luck.

Day 83 – Sigh

On a downcycle again.  There’s not enough medication/supplements, etc. in the world to make me feel better.  I’m trying to focus on the fact that I am not nauseous – so that’s something.  That said, I woke up with stomach symptoms which hasn’t happened in a while.

I was so good over holidays and now anything sets me off.  Not sure how to proceed.

Day 80 – How I’m cooking these days – Cooking tips that are more low fat

I was looking at this post and realized that a lot has changed since I made it.  For one, over time as my stomach was continuing to improve, I realized that my beloved bacon really was NOT working for my stomach so I’ve ditched it, along with red meat.

So what’s the go-to food situation these days?  Well, granted, I’ve been very lax due to Xmas but for home cooking pre-Xmas, this is what I was doing and it is/was tasty.

  • Grilled chicken or fish.  I use my Foreman grill for this (just got a new one with removable plates – kick ass) and paint on a little coconut oil which gives it a nice flavor.  As much as I can’t seem to digest high meat fat, in order to combat my dehydration issues, I’m finding that olive oil or coconut oil is digestible and thus key to getting some fat in me.  Very helpful.  I cook up boneless chicken breast at least a pound at a time as I eat it for 2-3 meals a day.  Helpful to just get it all done at once.  Quick!
  • Baked sweet potatoes.  So so easy.  Depending on the size, 6-9 minutes in the microwave and they are so flavorful, you just cut them open and eat.  No need for salt or any sort of fat.  At all.   If you have more time, you can make roasted sweet potato chips.  I cut the potatoes very thin (either by hand or mandoline), lightly coat with olive oil and pink salt and then roast at 400F (flipping once) until the edges start to turn black.  Extremely tasty, but honestly, for time, I’ve just been micro-baking and going.
  • Sushi rice.  I was throwing it in the rice cooker with a little coconut oil and pushing start, which is fine, but I did take the time last week to make it ‘properly’ and wow, it is phenomenal.  (I am making plain short grain sushi-type rice just to eat and not adding the mirin etc to turn it into Sushi Rice, the dish.)  Also, my sister who lives in the ‘burbs got frozen sticky rice at Costco which you just nuke up and eat.  SCORE.
  • Frozen spinach (or green beans).  So easy – mix it in with some rice and chunked up pre-cooked chicken with coconut aminos?  De. Lish.
  • Coconut aminos.  I tried these since coconut is okay on AIP.  I was very pleasantly surprised.  Very tasty, stomach totally fine with it.  This product is a soy sauce ‘alternative’ but honestly for me is NOT a direct replacement as it is sweeter.  Still, it is good on sushi as well so keep it in mind if you can tolerate it.
  • Roasted carrots.  When I have time, I make roasted carrots, many of them, and eat them like candy until they run out.  Completely delish.  Cut in 1/4″-1/2″ rounds, paint with olive oil (I actually have a food specific paintbrush I use for oil, thus the term ‘paint’) and pink salt.  400F for 20 minutes, flip and 2o minutes more. Done.
  • Homemade applesauce.  For some reason, apples are the only fruit that is guaranteed not to bother me.  I use organic gala apples, peel them, chunk them, cook on stove with a bit of water until they are soft.  Then you drain off the water and blend the soft apples with a stick blender.  I add cinnamon before eating and it is fantastic.  I do find that apples and I do best when I eat them as a snack and not near other foods.  YMMV but that’s my experience.  For me, they are to be eaten alone.

For eating out:

I am better enough to eat out! This is a total SCORE.  I have two types of ‘food bought elsewhere’ – meals out and then eating out on the fly.  For meals out, I can do Japanese or Chinese:

  • Miso soup – which contains fermented soy – seems to REALLY agree with my stomach.  It’s funny because the bone broth has been such a lose for me but the miso soup is a big fat gift for my stomach.  I’m not sure why but I get it every time I get sushi which is my go-to eat out food and it just feels great for me.
  • Sushi.  I aim to eat mostly cooked fish sushi as I find it a little more easy to digest.  I love sushi so getting sushi back has been a total score.  LOVE.
  • Chinese.  My stomach suddenly likes broccoli (which I could not digest for YEARS but since I did the antibiotic/probiotic regimen, no prob – weird, right?) so I get steamed chicken and broccoli and eat it over white rice.  Guaranteed not to bother me at all and tastes very good by itself now that I’m used to not eating things with sauce.  A score since some of my friends are not sushi people.

And for ‘picking up en route to somewhere I am eating in’:

  • Boston Market Roast Turkey Breast or supermarket rotisserie chicken.  The latter is a bit of a risk depending on what they put ON the chicken (even if you peel the skin off) but in a pinch it is very convenient.  Boston Market makes a very plain but tasty turkey breast that I will buy a pound of and just use it with the sweet potato/frozen veg (or rice) for a couple dinners.  Quick and easy and stomach-wise inoffensive.  Nice to have these ‘in a pinch things’.  More soon.

Day 79 – Happy New Year!

It’s been an odd 2 weeks.  I’m feeling, almost, fine.  Like, completely.  It’s been the holidays and I’ve been eating practically everything and my stomach doesn’t like some of it but when it rebels, it’s sort of… meh.  Like no big deal.

The truth is, I stuck with the diet through Christmas Day.  I got an extremely bad cold on Christmas Eve which took out my voice (mid-gig, good times) and required me to take cough syrup which just KILLED my stomach.  Like totally dead – even with the diet.  I took PPIs for 5 days while on the cough syrup and since I went off them, my stomach has been a happy clam.  And, while I’ve avoided eating spicy food or onions or garlic which I know bother me, overall I’ve been sort of spectacularly fine.

BUT

While my rash seems to be gone and my stomach is doing acceptably well using DGL, bitters, the Acid Soothe, probiotics, Mag Citrate and the very occasional Tums (1 only), my feeling is that I am better but something was bothering me and that I should try to discern what it was.  I mean, maybe it’s gone, whatever was bugging me has finally been resolved from the lack of the ‘bad’ medication and the months of ‘good’ probiotics and a finally working lower GI.  Still, I’ve come this far – shouldn’t I figure this out?

I’m still away visiting family.  My idea is that on Sunday, January 4, when I’m back home, I’m going to retract back to the low-fat AIP Paleo diet (with rice!) for a week and then add the things I’ve tried that have not bothered me, one at a time and each for a week.  Since my issues all seem to start with constipation and not a tiny upset stomach – since it is all cumulative – it is best to do each addition with a good chunk of time behind it so I can see what, if any, response there is.

Additionally, I’m still not eating a full palette of foods.  I still am eating mostly low fat meats (had bacon the other day and had a backlash) and not too many veggies (I’d really like my diet to be 50% fruit and veg) and no fruit other than applesauce and the occasional banana.  Oddly, these may be the last additions back but we’ll see.

For 2015 – at least in a few days – I’ll continue to see what my body likes and does not like.  I’m deeply DEEPLY grateful that I am so improved, suddenly.  Not sure if it was just a few days of full-quiet from the PPIs or what, but I’m impressed.  In any event, for now, I’m going to relax and enjoy my last few days of hanging out with the fam.  I hope you all had a great new year and I’ll be back with more updates in a few….

Day 64

So naturally after I posted that last update, it all went to hell LOL.  I am learning, slowly, that this is a very up and down experience.  By the end of this, I suspect I’ll have learned patience with my body.  Here’s hoping.

But I also did myself no favors by eating very off the diet the past couple days.  I was feeling good, my bf’s firm had a party (before which I took 20mg of Pepcid), we didn’t get enough to eat at the party and came home and made food I normally don’t eat, etc.  Yesterday I ate some gluten free cookies, etc.

All told I ate wheat, cheese, yogurt, butter, small amount of honey, nuts, a piece of very sweet and sour candy, miso soup, avocado…. I avoided anything spicy. I really stuck to what didn’t bother me 4 months ago but damned if I didn’t have a really rough time yesterday.  After the accidental candy eating, it all went down hill.  Like DOWNHILL.

What I have learned from this is that the diet – as imperfect as it is – clearly does make a difference.  And that is some very good information.  I also think there may be a carb-load issue and/or a sugar issue.  The pasta (which I ate with butter, parm cheese and spinach) did  nothing bad to my stomach but I’m feeling like that followed by a day of other sketchy stuff, the overall load sent me over the edge.

I’m back off both antibiotics so we’ll see how my constipation changes (if at all).  My supplements are the bitters (which I keep blowing off but I do think actually help), Acid Soothe and DGL.  The bitters and DGL are definite keepers but the Acid Soothe… I just don’t know if I’m getting any benefit from this product.  As I said before, I almost feel like it masks the symptoms well but I still have the acid and find out that it’s there when I recline in bed (which is always 3 hours after eating AND we sleep on a tilt so getting symptoms ever is extreme).  Since it is ‘inoffensive’ I’m going to keep taking it but last night when I was having a stomach explosion, it did absolutely nothing – although to be fair the 20mg of Pepcid I took almost didn’t feel like enough either.

I’m tracking my water more intentionally and realize that while I was drinking a lot of water in one shot, there were hours when I was drinking none.  I’ve made a commitment to drink 3 large bottles of water at work (probably 20 oz each) and at least 1-2 after work. It has made a huge difference.  Very nice.

As for now, I’m back on my limited diet but with the added rice.  I’m trying to balance the carbs with keeping myself from getting too hungry.  Must keep my eye on the work in progress aspect of this.

Day 62 – A great few days

Well, after the Ginger Incident and having the UTI, I was feeling very depressed (not to say uncomfortable!!).  But it turns out, there were a few bright moments.

The GI antibiotics – I believe – are really having an impact on this round.  It’s hard to tell if that’s it but something is definitely having an impact.  I kept the rice going the past few days, even as I added sweet potatoes back, and my body has no problem digesting the rice and any sort of weird symptoms I was getting from rice (liquid in mouth) seems to have passed.  I am also now eating smaller meals but every 2.5-3 hours.  I am living a lot less hungry and that has actually helped my stomach symptoms a lot.  I also upped my probiotics greatly to try to ward off the inevitable yeast infection I’d usually get from the non-GI antibiotics  and, well, I don’t know if it’s the GI drugs, the 10bn lacto probiotics or just having added back a starchy carb but my constipation is 95% gone.  Like – it hasn’t been this good in years.  Wow.  All this while eating no vegetables and tons of rice!

I reflected on the state of my GI tract Saturday night and realized that IBS-wise, I’m in really good shape.  Bloating is gone, Cramping is 95% gone and, when present, usually just happens right before a bowel movement, constipation is gone (which is impressive because, again, all that rice).  My sense (untested, yet) is I can actually digest a lot more than I could before.  The problem remains the acid and inflammation in my upper GI tract.  How do I get that under control?

I’m loath to take Pepcid on any type of regular basis but acknowledge that I just may need to.  Before I go there, though, I decided to play around with a few new supplements.  I started taking DGL last week which sort of does nothing on an immediate basis but is supposed to calm and heal up the stomach lining which I know I could use overall.  On top of that, after meals, I started taking an enzyme-based supplement by Enzymedica called Acid Soothe.   It works pretty well, taking care of about 80% of my acid problems.  That still leaves some bad feelings but the nausea is cut down to random periods of half an hour as opposed to all day which I count as a complete win.  It also contains 2 stomach coating things and then provides starch and fat digestive enzymes which seem to be really helpful.

So I don’t feel 100% these days but I’ve had a great reduction of symptoms.  I’ll have to go off the Xifaxan again on Friday and then more will be revealed (i.e. can I hold onto these improvements?).  At that point, I’ll see if the probiotics keep my digestion running smoothly and the other supplements help my upper GI without the Xifaxan.   I will likely take Pepcid at times if it feels like I’m just irritating my stomach.   With the Pepcid, I need to stay focused that while Pepcid is not a great drug for my system, if I use it pointedly to just get the inflammation down, then it’s fine to use.  I just really don’t want to become dependent on it again – the side effects are so unhelpful and I swear taking acid blockers is what caused a lot of my IBS in the first place.  A world of no.  But for now I need to get the inflammation under control and thus….

At this point, food-wise, my goal is to keep my stomach itself as non-irritated as possible.  That means: rice, sweet potato, turkey, chicken, homemade applesauce and some mild sushi with no soy as a treat.  I’m going to have sushi again for lunch today and then add some veggies on the side.  I haven’t had veg since Tuesday so hopefully this will go okay with no extra nausea.  Fingers crossed.  I’d like to move more back to sweet potatoes over rice but it’s so easy to pick up rice on the fly that I’ve been eating a lot of it (and still going to the bathroom no problem each day – so nice!).  I really do feel like my lower GI is moving quite well so my priority is to keep my stomach/duodenum as happy as I can while it, hopefully, recovers.

So, what I’m eating/doing now (with links, but again, this is all very personal so what works for me may not work for you – important to keep an open mind and experiment):

  • DGL before meals
  • Acid Soothe directly after meals
  • Xifaxan 1X a day, (UTI antibiotics until Thursday)
  • 10 bn Megadophilis in morning an hour before I eat anything
  • Starch:  Rice (Jasmine and white sushi) and Sweet Potatoes
  • Protein:  Low-fat chicken and turkey (Boston Market has delicious turkey breast – fast and so easy when you don’t want to cook!)
  • Veg:  Right now, nothing
  • Fruit:  Homemade Gala applesauce with cinnamon
  • Snacks:  Rice cakes
  • Treats:  Sushi maki rolls using mostly cooked fish – thinking it will be easier to digest
  • Eat every 2.5-3 hours but eat nothing in that 0-2.5 window for max digestion, retrain the motility muscles

Back to square one?

I caved and a part of me feels like a failure.   This is where all the info on the internet is a disservice, I believe.

My nausea has gotten worse now that I’m on both the UTI antibiotics and the Xifaxan.  I am – at this point – eating chicken and rice although I did have a mental breakdown and eat sushi last night.  Anything that reminds me of what I was eating pre-ginger incident (including the cooked salmon in my sushi combo – ugh) makes me nauseous.  I can work with the plain grilled chicken but other than that – I can’t seem to eat anything else I was eating including sweet potatoes, cooked veggies or fish.  It is very weird and doesn’t feel solely mental.  I think about those foods (or, given last night, TASTE those foods) and just start to throw up.  The ginger clam-sauce incident is really hanging on tightly to my nausea.  So gross.

In any event, at my last GI appointment the doctor said you really need an acid blocker.  When I said I had just gotten off those and had the rash issue, etc. he suggested trying acid blockers that I hadn’t tried before.  He finally, defeated, said well, use Tums or something.  His feeling is that due to the actual diagnosed inflammation, I need to do something to give my stomach a break.  The food alone is not doing it.  I need to cap the acid off for a while.

I took a Tums last night – one – and instantly felt much better.  That said, they have no staying power.  Half an hour later, the nausea was back (although it was halved).  So today I took 10mg of Pepcid.

I know, I know – I should be able to use diet to cure my GERD, right?  Which, to be fair, I largely have.  But the gastritis itself is not going anywhere.  The inflammation is there and I can feel it and it feels awful. The recommendation to deal with that is the Xifaxan and an acid reducing medication for 3-4 weeks.  So, at the risk of addicting myself to an H2 blocker again, I’m doing that.

If the rash comes back, I’ll know it was the Pepcid.  I’d been off it for 3 months.  The rash has gotten mucho better so we’ll see.

My indigestion has been a lot worse this week – I’m assuming it is from the ginger incident but also the new antibiotics.  I have no idea since several things are happening at once.  The rice I’m eating is filling and I’m grateful for that but I’m still greatly undereating and I have to figure that out.  I’d say I’m maybe making 900 calories these days.  Not good.  A part of me wonders if I’m nauseous just BECAUSE I’m hungry but eating off my diet last night – the sushi – really made me feel crappy so I am loath to just chuck everything.  I’m hopeful that the Pepcid will allow me to eat a bit more and perhaps get rid of the nausea enough so I can add my safe veggies back – carrots and spinach – and work out from there.  I also would very much like to drop the rice again and see if the indigestion becomes less but at this point I need the calories badly so it stays for now.

I’m tired of dealing with this.  Tomorrow is 60 days on the uber limited diet (although I haven’t really been on it for the last week so I’m not sure that counts).  Tired, thin and hopeful this will help.  At least I’ll know if it will not help.  That’s something – information.